LATEST UPDATE: “Nine minutes of added time? I had to use my stopwatch for this…”

I thoroughly enjoyed last month’s Aston Villa vs. Newcastle match, but I’ve been grumbling for three weeks about the nine minutes of added time in the second half.

After the World Cup, we were aware of what to expect. The Mag published an article before the season outlining historical guidelines regarding substitutions and extra time. However, as the article suggested, all bets were off this season. Gone were the days of time-wasting antics. Minutes would be accurately added on, inevitably forcing one team to defend longer than in previous seasons.

While I generally welcomed this change, like all fans, I suspected that some teams would unfairly benefit from it more than others.

As luck would have it, I found myself with an extra two hours last evening.

So, what did I decide to do?

Did I tackle the task of painting the hallway ceiling, which has been stained for over a year by a house guest who mysteriously believed the shower curtain belonged on the outside of the tub? No.

Did I opt to read a few chapters of a self-help book in hopes of becoming a better husband, father, and friend? Sadly, no.

Did I embark on the noble mission of dusting or vacuuming? Absolutely not. I can honestly say that in my 30 years of marriage, I have never walked into a room and thought, “I should really vacuum.”

But what did I do? I chose to replay the second half of the Aston Villa 1 Newcastle 3 match, meticulously holding a stopwatch to measure the precise duration the ball was out of play. You bet I did.

I was astounded to discover that the ball was out of play for just over 17 minutes (though I understand not all of this time is necessarily considered when determining added time). I meticulously recorded every instance when the ball was not in play, including throw-ins. Surprisingly, in the first 15 minutes of the second half alone, the ball was out of play for eight minutes, a fact that I would have vehemently disputed at the end of the match. It took me three replays of the first eight minutes of the second half before I mastered the stopwatch, or else I might have watched the entire half again, excluding throw-ins. During the middle 15 minutes, there were approximately six minutes of ball-out-of-play time, and in the final 15 minutes, there were only four minutes without play on the pitch, which likely contributed to my complaints about the added time for the past three weeks.

In the end, the mystery was unraveled, and the stoppage time seemed justified, considering five injury stoppages, two goals, four substitutions, and two yellow cards.

Furthermore, during my rewatch, I tallied up 10 other fouls, three offsides, six corners, and approximately 13 throw-ins. I say approximately 13 because some of my notes from last night, influenced by my choice of hydration, were a bit challenging to decipher this morning.

If only I had access to the second half of the Liverpool away match from last season, I am certain my conspiracy theory would be proven true.

As for the gameplay, I couldn’t help but admire Ollie Watkins. He reminds me of a younger and more resilient version of Callum Wilson, with glimpses of Harry Kane. Watkins has missed far fewer matches than the Newcastle United number nine. Villa made a shrewd move in 2020 when they signed him from Brentford.

Setting Watkins’ goal aside, that match was a much-needed 3-1 victory away from St. James’ Park and our only double so far this season. If only Schar could have made it 4-1, he would have undoubtedly set an enduring Premier League record as the first defender to score a hat-trick.